The Hidden Cost of Being “Nice”

We often say yes when we want to say no.

We hold back, thinking we’re just being kind or accommodating. Maybe we genuinely enjoy letting others take the lead. But more often than not, we don't even realize we've agreed to something before we've had the chance to consider how we truly feel.

This is the heart of people-pleasing.

Good Intentions, False Self

We think we're being good—helpful, agreeable, kind. But in reality, we're being inauthentic. We’re presenting a version of ourselves that contradicts our true thoughts and feelings.

Inauthenticity isn’t harmless. It means we repress our feelings, trap emotional energy, and create a mental loop of frustration, overthinking, and inner conflict.

Let me offer you a bold perspective:
 People-pleasing is a form of lying.

Sounds harsh, right? But think about it.

Every time you say yes when your heart wants to say no, not now, or let me think about it, you're lying—not just to others, but to yourself.

Ask yourself:

• Would you want to be surrounded by people who lie to you, even with good intentions?

• Wouldn’t you rather live in a world where people are free to be their true selves, without veils?

• Don’t you want that same freedom?

Being honest about who you are doesn’t mean being rude or self-centered. This isn’t about egotism. It’s about having the strength to be seen and known for who you really are—not the version of yourself you think others want or need you to be, in order to be accepted.

It takes courage to stop lying, especially to oneself, and to start living authentically.

Model Something Better

Many of us believe we must maintain a facade for the sake of others—especially our children. But here's the thing: kids are incredibly perceptive. They pick up on energy, not just words. If you're suppressing your needs and pretending everything is fine, they will feel the dissonance—and they will learn from it.

It’s healthier to have honest conversations—even confrontations—than to pretend everything is okay. Especially as a parent.

Your children learn from the way you show up. If you consistently suppress your needs to please others, they will either repeat that pattern or seek out relationships with those who do.

Live the Truth, Even If It Shakes You

So let’s call it what it is: People-pleasing is lying.

My invitation here is for you to have the courage to be who you truly are. And in doing so, you give others the grace of knowing you—not for what you give, not for how you meet expectations, but for your authentic self.

Truth may be uncomfortable—even destabilizing at times—but in the long run, it’s the best policy there is.